cut short

how much of it is left?

WARNING: The following content may be disturbing.

Many people(actually its more like no one) don't understand why I have an obsession with death and yet I have this want to do everything possible in life. As unbelievable as it may sound, I always this annoying tap on my shoulder that I'm not going to live as long as everyone else. It started when I was around twelve of thirteen.

In an attempt to push these thoughts away, I told my friend who is about 3 years older than me about it. He said that its normal because he used to think that way too and eventually it faded away. Its been 6 years and I'm still waiting for the feeling to fade away. I even went as far as to try palmistry.

I thought I was being emo. So I tried to find out if anyone else was going through what I'm going through.
My result: many of those who died young have told those near them that they were not going to live very long.
Famous example: Steve Irwin.

I dream a lot about death as well. Of other people but most of them are my own. I sometimes wake up with wounds and cuts on my arms, my body, my legs. My friends would make fun of me when I talk to them about my dreams so I just keep quiet now and tell them the dogs did it or something. I try not to think about it but the tap on the shoulder is overwhelming at times.