well sorry for the belated wishing
i couldn't go online yesterday. crap internet.
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in school, we had a PRS meeting where we sorta had an ice breaker??
but a more in depth one where we sorta reveal things that ppl don't know about us
it was honestly a reli touching moment cause everyone came from different backgrounds and the stories they tell you was enough to make you cry.
Mainly it was telling people why you are the way you are
meaning, stuff like why were you weird or sad and socially awkward.
Of course all these stories are confidential.
and this is where the trust comes in.
and this is where the trust comes in.
Many people couldn't bring themselves around to sharing their stories,
obviously because it was too hard.
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Honestly, I was scared shitless to say it not because of what it was.
It was because of what people might think of me
thoughts came into my head like,
But I managed to have a go at it...
Honestly, I was scared shitless to say it not because of what it was.
It was because of what people might think of me
thoughts came into my head like,
She's such a loser.
She's such a cry baby.
he's such a drama queen.
-She's such a cry baby.
he's such a drama queen.
But I managed to have a go at it...
I started with...
"I am not sociable because I have this problem with trust and *blablabla*"
Considering the fact that the room was already in a very trance like and everyone-was-crying state, I broke down as well.
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I'm not gonna say that my problem is so oh-my-god horrible cause I know other people may have it worse.
But to me, it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
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Yesterday was the first time I cried in front of so many people with true raw emotions
and it was also the first time i received so many hugs OUTSIDE a church group
Despite people telling me that they're always here for me, it isn't always comforting.
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There was a girl who hugged me and she cried and she told me that the same thing happened to her. All I could do was give her another hug. As cliche as it sounds, its true that only time can heal pain but it doesn't make it go away.
I know what it feels like and I can tell you now that there is nothing in the world that will make that feeling subside quicker. Even revenge doesnt do any good. I know because I went to 'get help' and it feels good for only a couple of days, (and if you're lucky-weeks) that you got it off your chest but when something that reminds you of the incident occurs, all that trauma is gonna come flooding back in.
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well anyway, I didn't manage to finish saying what I wanted to say cause I was the last person to say it and time was running out and I had to keep pausing to catch my breath to not cry.
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So for those who were there in the afternoon in the ART ROOM, here's the continuation if you wanna know
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My friends have this view on me that I'm tough and strong, aggressive and temperamental.
Aside from that, the response from my friends are usually
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When the thing happened, I was 12 and considering the fact that I was still in some ways an outcast, I had no one to turn to.I was with a friend at the time it happened.
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I'm am also not close with my immediate family and being the girl alongside with my brother, my brother was always more favoured as he is the firstborn boy in the family. Whenever he did something wrong, I was blamed. He could have anything in the world and my parents wouldn't say anything. He has a PC, 2 laptops and more than 3 phones within a year. My parents never admitted that they treat me like that, but its just a fact that I have to deal with. In Asian families, the girls in the family, other than mothers, are always treated unequally/unfairly when they have a brother. My aunts also keep pointing out and comparing my flaws with other people.
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For this reason, I was never able to understand the concept when Hazwan said,
I'd rather be alone and trust no one than to go through being betrayed again.
-
-
Yesterday was the first time I cried in front of so many people with true raw emotions
and it was also the first time i received so many hugs OUTSIDE a church group
Despite people telling me that they're always here for me, it isn't always comforting.
-
There was a girl who hugged me and she cried and she told me that the same thing happened to her. All I could do was give her another hug. As cliche as it sounds, its true that only time can heal pain but it doesn't make it go away.
I know what it feels like and I can tell you now that there is nothing in the world that will make that feeling subside quicker. Even revenge doesnt do any good. I know because I went to 'get help' and it feels good for only a couple of days, (and if you're lucky-weeks) that you got it off your chest but when something that reminds you of the incident occurs, all that trauma is gonna come flooding back in.
-
well anyway, I didn't manage to finish saying what I wanted to say cause I was the last person to say it and time was running out and I had to keep pausing to catch my breath to not cry.
-
-
-
-
-
So for those who were there in the afternoon in the ART ROOM, here's the continuation if you wanna know
-
My friends have this view on me that I'm tough and strong, aggressive and temperamental.
Aside from that, the response from my friends are usually
"You'll get over it" or "Its normal"
and some of them laughed at me
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to me crying is weak and pathetic. i've always said that and the emotions you saw me showing that day was the first time in my life I have truly expressed how I felt about the situation.and some of them laughed at me
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When the thing happened, I was 12 and considering the fact that I was still in some ways an outcast, I had no one to turn to.I was with a friend at the time it happened.
This was a friend I considered as a brother and he saw what happened but didn't do anything. -
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When I asked,
"Why didn't you help me"-
When I asked,
His response was,
"you can help yourself".-
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For this reason, I was never able to understand the concept when Hazwan said,
"In PRS, we're like a family"
because everytime I trust someone, they will somehow stab me in the back.I'd rather be alone and trust no one than to go through being betrayed again.
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