decisions decisions

 

My life right now is pretty much like that painting. A splash of colours(colours being my emotions). I'm being pulled left and right, front and back about what I'm suppose to or going to do with my life.

A levels is stressing me out enough and I HAVE to get a scholarship. If I stay here any longer, I'll go nuts.
I've been thinking about staying here first next year, work and relax for a little bit then apply and actually go in the year 2012. 
Seriously, why the rush? I've been studying all my life and I finally have the time now to stop and take a breather. Why finish high school, head to college and rush to uni cause after that you'll be working after that for the rest of your life!!

My next concern is picking a course I'm willing to do for a minimum or 3 years. I'm fucking frustrated that I'm not allowed to be a chef because since I was 14 till now, I STILL want to be a chef. Even people close to me know how passionate I am about it. It pisses me off even more at the fact that my friends are able to study other things and they're 'settling' to study culinary arts because they aren't able to get the grades to be a doctor etc. I guess in some ways its jealousy eating me inside out that they get to do something that they don't give a rat's ass about and I can't when I've been talking about it for 4 years and researching about it. Their excuse is, I like to cook. Not I LOVE to cook make food. I did get over a little over emotional about it knowing that people get to chase their dreams or copy mine and I can barely catch a glimpse of mine.

After finally accepting that fact, I decide, the only subject I'm good at is English. I can't memorize facts and equations and formulaes. I've been getting As for it without trying and despite my mum scolding me that reading Archie comics with worsen my English, it didn't. I don't read novels like my friends and never putting it down like as if it would blow up the earth if they ever put it down. I'm not into Bestseller books like Harry Potter or Twilight. I like reading books like Falling Leaves, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, A Child Called It, books about life. I don't buy fantasy and dislike getting sucked into that world (I just realized that I'm going off topic here). So anyway, my mum is discouraging me. so is my brother. At times I want to scream at them. I wanted to be a chef, you said no. I wanted to be an interior designer, you said no. Then you told me that I could study anything I want as long as I got a degree then do whatever with my life after that. I've finally decided on English after sucking up my tears and you deny me of it? You told me it would be hard. DUH! I never said it would be easy. When does education become easier as you progress? How does studying law or medicine make it any easier? I hate science. why can't anybody ever just accept that like how I've accepted your weird mindset and theories.

Wheee~ next part is when I apply to uni, which country do I apply for? UK or Australia.
Also since I was 14, I wanted to go to Australia but the reason then was just because my biggest idol lives there, Steve Irwin. I wanted to meet him so bad that I made it a goal for myself to study abroad there. Now that he's dead, I don't even know if my goal still applies.


I went to the UK in February and I was only there for half a month and I wanted to just go home by the first week! It was dark, gloomy, cold. Shops close very early and I felt like an alley rat.

I don't like this weather at all!!!!

Of course no country's weather is clear and sunny 365days a year but it drizzles and rains for like 2 minutes then continues to be damp and dark. The weather there was unbelievably cold too!
The other thing I dread the most is the plane ride. 17 hours!!! I hate plane rides even if its just 2 hours. Everytime I get down from the plane, my nose and ears are blocked, I feel stiff and cramped and a little claustrophobic. AND the cost of everything is x3!

 

I know that UK can be beautiful just as long as its far FAR away from London but its so dull. The first 2 days may be interesting but after that, everything looks the same.  I just checked my UK trip photo files and during my first 2 days, I took over two hundred photos. As the day progresses, the number get smaller and smaller to just about 20 pictures on the last day. I don't like looking at old building. I feel a bit scared to be around them actually, especially monuments of people. My friends know that I'm not the kind of person to want to  hold on to the past. I like things to be fresh and new and most of all, exciting!

Melbourne

Its such a beautiful city eventhough I've never been there. The plus side is that its only a 5 hour flight, the rate is 0.8AUD to BN$1 and I've heard of people who go there to study and never wanting to return. That just tells how good the country actually is! The downside however is the crazy weather I read on Amanda's blog and I'm worried about the distractions.

Bright, sunny, exciting, fun, exhilirating Australia. I would love to visit you. Its a good country to live in but what about study in? Aussie's are actually from the UK and UK practically 'invented' the English Language. So wouldn't it be more credible to have an English Degree from the UK than from Australia? But I'm not gonna be an English teacher for the rest of my life and I don't think Bruneian kids even bother about having good grammar or being able to form a proper sentence.

Past few months, I keep skipping my English classes or falling asleep once the teacher speaks. I'm not even enthusiastic about the subject. I'm just able to write sentences in proper grammar and thats about it. I guess I'll take the time next year to figure things out.