why, oh why??

As I've mentioned earlier, I was never very good with numbers. I didn't manage to finish my Maths paper by just a few questions. I sorta wanted to cry after the teacher collected my paper cause it was the first time i didnt manage to finish my paper in time.

I guess the reason I didn't complete it was because I counted too slow. Usually numbers easily come to my head like 7-4=3.Simple maths but my brother's partying and screaming friends till 3am made me have difficulty to sleep.Oh well, fortunately he's going back to UK in 2 days and hopefully he wouldn't be here when I'm having my real O level examination.

Usually my friends would gather in the school canteen after every paper. I disappeared right away after taking my bag cause i didn't wanan discuss questions that i didn't even answer. I freaking pissed off at myself. I had to go to the airport to pick up my mum anyway.

She told me that she bought some of the skirts that i wanted. Somehow I wasn't too happy. I just kept thinking, if i do accept this skirt, she would somehow use it against me someday. Plus if i wear them to tuition, she'll say "who are you dressing up so nice for?" or if i wear them to the mall, "you better not wear that to the mall.so many guys there." So what is the point of me having it?? I did reach a point where I wanted to throw away all my clothes and just keep all the baggy old home shirts that I have. Life's never easy even for the simplest matters.

My dad mentioned about one of my old neighbours that I haven't seen for years. I suddenly remember about the times when me, my brother, manda, milda and her(xiao jun) used to play together all the time in our primary years. We would go to each others house and do silly nonsense and play on the swing imagining we were on the rough seas going for voyages across the earth.

There was also this game of King and Queen and servants. Of course the oldest,my brother and xiao jun, became the King and Queen while the rest of us were servants. We were told to do things like bringing them food and drinks and do stupid actions. Being a young, spoilt brat, I burst into tears and said I didn't wanna play anymore. From that day, I refused to join in their games that involved in following orders. Till now, I never managed to take orders very well if there weren't any immediate benefits for me.

I didn't care what people thought of me because I didn't like bothering myself with other people thoughts when I already have enough of my own. Mistakes are to be made by myself and learnt by myself. I'm not saying that I'm totally oblivious to what everyone says to me. I do take advices but I don't take it as hard as most people do.

Everyone's gonna have a different opinion of what you do. So how can you listen to everyone and make everyone satisfied?? Caring too much will really hurt yourself emotionally and eventually physically.